Are you proud to be an American? Are you proud to not be an American but a citizen of the United States? Then the Fourth of July is the perfect country-loving holiday for you! The important question, though, is not whether or not you’re American, it’s how do you throw the perfect America-filled party to celebrate the independence of a superpower?
First, it needs to be a BBQ pool party. Everyone will arrive with tiny American flags swaying in the wind from the window of their cars and the ladies will come dressed in American flag bikinis while the fellas, shockingly, will come in American flag board shorts. And, if the guys are not feeling the water, they’ll dress up with sneakers and mid-calf length American flag socks. This is not embarrassing at all.
The food has to be exclusive to America, meaning, no hamburgers or hotdogs. Germany has those rights. Also, no pizza. Damn Italians. That basically leaves chicken wings and other variations of chicken. Yum.
Now, the fun part, the alcohol. It’s not a party unless someone gets sick on your bathroom floor? There is no Corona at a Fourth of July party. Thank God we now have a bunch of amazing craft beer makers in America and shockingly some great new ones right here in Miami like Wynwood Brewery Company.
Vodka originated in Eastern Europe so looks like you won’t be infusing that watermelon this year. Or downing six Jell-O shots.
Honestly, the highlight of this party is going to be the dessert. Chocolate Chip Cookies, an American classic that actually came from America, is the only option. So make it good and stock up on Om Nom Nom Cookies Chocolate Chip cookie to make up for the mood-crushing party.